are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
