that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
