I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
