I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
