My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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