office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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