college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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