Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
