I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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