Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
