the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
