yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
