I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
