smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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