Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
