I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
