I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize