It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
