Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
