I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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