I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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