i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
A+ Viking dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
