Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
