I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize