And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
