You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
