im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
