Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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