every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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