I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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