After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
