Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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