scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
