i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
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