i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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