so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize