True but thats because hes a fetus.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
