so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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