I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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