Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
