Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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