so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
