24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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