Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
