Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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