Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
