I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
