Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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