my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
