Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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