I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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