it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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