The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
