just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
