You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
