I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize