Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
