Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize