Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
