Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
