Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
