when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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