your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the day after is always just damage control
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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