take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
