mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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