His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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