we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
